By reading this article you’ll learn that there is a proper way to structure a sympathy letter, note or card.
Also you’ll be able to gain inspiration and amend the condolence examples submitted, because we know that at times trying to think of what to say can be daunting.
All of us dread having to write any form of 'with sympathy' letter or card. They can be the hardest and saddest things you’ll ever have to write, and whilst we hope you don’t have to use our guide, we thought that we should include this in our resource centre.
It is always difficult to know what to write in a sympathy letter; what should be said and what thoughts should be conveyed.
We are extremely grateful to all the customers who have submitted their examples for you to amend and use.
By structuring what you have to say, and by ensuring that the structure follows our easy steps, you’ll be sure to convey all your sentiments in a clear way.
Messages of sympathy mean a great deal to people but we often hesitate to send cards of sympathy for fear that by expressing our sadness we will hurt the bereaved even more.
However, the grieving person takes enormous comfort in the fact that their grief is acknowledged. People can often feel very isolated if their sorrow is ignored, and there is nothing more encouraging than receiving words of support in times of distress. It validates their feelings to be told, “I know what has happened.” “I understand that you are hurting.”
We can be reluctant to send a card of condolence and be intimidated about what to write.
While the choice of any appropriate card and a simple “Thinking of you at this difficult time”, “With sincere sympathy” or “Our prayers are with you” will always be much appreciated, you may wish to express a more personal message to touch and soothe the heart of the bereaved.
Even two or three lines can be intensely meaningful and bring an immense amount of comfort.
The tone and content of any message will be determined by the relationship between you and the bereaved as well as your own relationship with the deceased.
Try to imagine what the bereaved person would most like to hear. Above all your message should sound natural, sincere and written from the heart.
Here are our three steps to writing a condolence card which you may find it helpful.
Step One: Acknowledge that the sad event has occurred.
Whilst the exact nature of the death need not be dwelt upon especially if it was of a particularly shocking or untimely nature, it will to some extent dictate the tone of your card. Recognition of the death recognises the mourners’ grief and is a kindness.
Step two: Remembering the loved one.
Above all, a condolence card should be a tribute to the deceased. Mourners want to hear about their loved ones. Recounting any warm personal memories can be extremely powerful to the healing process.
Remembering any particular positive attribute gives meaning to and honours the deceased’s life.
Step Three: Hope for the future.
If the loss is profound as with the death of a spouse, often one of the most difficult aspects is the feeling of profound loneliness.
By reassuring the bereaved person that your thoughts are with them helps to lessen their feelings of isolation.
If the loss is particularly tragic, such as that of a child, the magnitude of the loss can be so overwhelming that it can scarcely be comprehended. In cases such as these it is particularly important to weave into your message words of warmth and comfort and to mention any qualities you admire in the bereaved to give them the confidence they need to move forward.
The examples below have been kindly submitted by our customers, friends and work colleagues for you to gain inspiration from, amend and use.
Dear Karen
I was so sad to hear the news of Jack’s passing yesterday.
I had the privilege of working with Jack for quite a few years. He was full of enthusiasm and good humour, and although that was many moons ago now, I will always remember those happy times.
My sincerest commiserations are extended to you Karen. I realise that words are quite useless at this time, but I am sure that when the numbness has passed, you will be able to reflect and look back on the many positive features of Jack’s life. He made so many friends and his warmth and sense of humour brightened many a cold dark winter’s evening.
I know that he will be greatly missed by all that knew him.
Yours sincerely
Chris
Dear Joe,
We were deeply saddened to learn of Sarah’s illness and her passing. Please accept our condolences.
We feel fortunate that we were able to share some very happy moments together with you last summer. The memories of Sarah showing us how to feed the geese are still vivid. And we remember a nice sunny afternoon in your garden followed by a delicious lunch.
Joe, we know that Sarah’s passing is a devastating loss and we are sorry that you have had to suffer it. Hopefully your memories of being married to a wonderful woman will give you some solace.
We feel very fortunate to have had the opportunity to know you and Sarah and we look forward to continuing our friendship.
Our prayers are with you,
Love,
Dave and Penny
Dear Auntie Mary,
We were all so sad to hear that Uncle Fred had lost his fight for life after such a long illness. I know you will miss him dreadfully.
I have so many lovely memories of him. I will never forget the time when he showed me how to put up wallpaper and how we collapsed with laughter at the mess I made of it all. Most of all I will remember his sense of fun and wicked sense of humour.
Auntie Mary, I have always admired your courage and tenacity and I know these strengths will help you through the months and years ahead.
May you hear him in the wind in the trees, feel him in all the wonderful things he made for the cottage, and see him in the beautiful flowers he planted in the garden.
All my love
Jane
Dear Phil,
It seems impossible that Diana is no longer with us.
All the guys at the office are really shocked and there are no words to describe how we feel for you mate.
Diana was my idea of a perfect wife and none of us will ever forget her, but you were her hero. She had such a zest for life and was always the first to share a joke, understand a problem or lend a hand. She just made you feel better by being in the same room.
We’re grieving with you Phil.
If there is anything I can do or if you just want to talk, give me a call, anytime.
Mark
Of course, what you write, or how you convey your message is entirely up to you, but a condolence card is very easy to get wrong and they are one of a few types of cards that tend to be kept the longest. They are also one of the few cards that people genuinely are never sure what to write and are agonised over for the longest. It is so easy to struggle with and make mistakes on. It s very easy to feel intimidated and to hold back on what you want to say for fear that the words you write may not help, or actually make the recipient feel sadder. With everything else you may have on your mind, don’t let having to write a message of condolence be one of them.
